I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
