trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
