I want to make a zoo with you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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