i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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