guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
