I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
