Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
