i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
