I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
