Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
