it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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