How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can i not drive my cunt home
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am naked and annoyed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
