Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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