i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize