this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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