Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
