We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
