Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
