I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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