Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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