Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
