the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
