sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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