nut hugger
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
