Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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