I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
