I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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