you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
