drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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