Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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