I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
BRING THE BAGELS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
