No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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