her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
