I hope mine doesn't look like that
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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