if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
