Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
