I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My bed smells like the plague
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
