Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
