So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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