KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
