I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
