You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
