he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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