Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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