I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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