oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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