So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
