my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
