So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
