so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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