Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
