Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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