you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My cat gives me a boner
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
