I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize