I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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