All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
