i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
