I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
