I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
