you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
