Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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