Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
