apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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