you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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