I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have post one night stand depression
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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