i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
