If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
