I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
