you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
