there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
