you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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