mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
