I'm going to jail i love you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
